My Dad has bladder cancer

Hello,

I am currently having my Dad go through Bladder Cancer. He was diagnosed with a tumor back in September last year a biopsy was and it turns out it was cancer on the bladder. He was not a smoker, rarely drinks and lives a pretty good life. He was turning 70 in December so this came as a huge shock to all of us. We had to have an operation to remove the tumour because that was causing him so much pain, we were in hospital a few times because the pain was so excruciating for him. Once this first operation was complete we had to go onto chemo to help with the remainder of the cancer. We did 4 cycles of that which took 4 months and then last week he went in for major surgery for 9 hours to remove his bladder, prostate and some lymph nodes. Whilst they were in the operation the surgeon actually found some more possible cancer nodules and was not going to take any risks so he took them out too.

He has been in hospital for a week now and each day is different with pain or nausea, etc. All the general things you should be feeling after having major surgery and its upsetting him and frustrating him that he feels like he isn’t getting better but he actually is, he started the first day with 3 bags attached to his body and now he just has one which is the stoma bag for the diversion of his urine. (This is permanent) But by the 3rd day all but that one bag was gone, he is walking further and further each day. But he has this negative mindset the second one thing goes wrong. He’s not sleeping well and barely eating and he is snapping at both myself and mum, and that hits us hard. Today I actually got so mad at him I walked out. I get he is going through alot of stuff but so are we and if that attitude is going to stay then he can bloody well stay in the hospital because mum will not be able to handle that alone if he comes home.

He has just survived a cancer that could kill him, he should be thankful and positive and happy. The doctors and nurses and the surgeon even said how lucky he was that they caught this early. 6 months time this could have been a whole different ballgame. I need someone who has been through this and survived to go and speak to him and tell him he will be ok because us telling him has had no effect because he is doing is getting angry. He is a routines man, and very OCD so if something is out of place and not in the right spot or you say one thing he just goes off. Today he went off because the patients around him were being too loud. Like small stuff. I just don’t know what to do anymore or how to help him anymore than we are already doing.

Anyone got any advice, or want to go and speak to him for me? I think hearing from someone who has gone through it would definitely help him.